Step 1: Commitment
Often when beginning couples counseling, it can be helpful to ask both partners to commit to the therapy process before diving into the work. Without this foundation, it’s easy for couples to disengage when challenges arise. A structured commitment provides stability and helps both partners stay engaged even when old patterns resurface.
Here’s what this commitment looks like:
1. Ask Both Partners to Commit to the Process
Many couples start therapy with good intentions but quit before the fifth session or give up on new habits within 21–31 days. This happens because old, unconscious patterns reemerge, and partners fall back into avoiding intimacy.
A clear commitment from both partners helps counteract this avoidance. Deciding to stick with therapy in advance makes it easier to work through resistance when it appears.
2. Define a Relationship Vision
Each partner articulates how they want their relationship to be—what it would look like if they had the relationship of their dreams. The goal of therapy is to work toward this vision.
Each person writes down positive statements about their ideal relationship (e.g., "We enjoy each other’s company.").
They share their statements aloud.
They identify common elements and combine them into a shared vision.
They read this vision daily as a form of meditation and reinforcement.
3. Gradually Commit to Closing Exits
Exits are ways partners avoid conflict or distress, e.g. through distraction, withdrawal, or letting conflict remain unresolved. While this can avoid stress in the moment, it also prevents couples from building intimacy. To build a stronger connection, couples work on identifying what their exit patterns are, and replacing them with responses that will help reach closeness, intimacy, and resolution instead.
By following these steps, couples lay a solid foundation for real change in therapy. Commitment is the first step, but it sets the stage for lasting transformation.
